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Why did the man buy a set of tools?
Everyone said he had a screw loose.
Why did the man climb up to the chandelier?
He was a light sleeper.
Why did the man put his car in the oven?
Because he wanted a hot rod.
Why did the old angel die?
He had a harp (heart) attack.
Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?
Because there was a Bird's Eye factory across the street.
Why did the pirate put a chicken where he buried his treasure?
Because eggs (X) marks the spot.
Why does the Statue of Liberty stand?
Because she can't sit down.
Why doesn't Saint Nicholas shave?
Every time he tries, he nicks himself.
Why is a grape religious?
Because it comes from divine (the vine).
Why is school out at three o'clock?
The bell strikes one, strikes two, strikes threeand you are out!
Why is writing called handwriting?
If people wrote with their feet, we would have to call it footwriting.
Why was the kid called "candy bar?"
Because he was half nuts.
Why won't people ever go to the moon for their vacation?
Because it lacks atmosphere.
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