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How did the patient get to the hospital so fast?
Flu.
How do mice kiss?
Mouse-to-mouse (mouth-to-mouth).
How do mummies behave?
In a grave manner.
How do you keep a rhinoceros from charging?
Take away his credit cards.
How do you know that carrots are good for the eyes?
Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing eyeglasses?
How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of a car?
Make him sit up front.
How does a snake feel when he sheds his skin?
Snaked.
If a buttercup is yellow, what colour is a hiccup?
Burple.
If a telegraph operator from California married a telephone operator from Arizona, what would they become?
A western union.
If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an astronaut get?
Missile toe.
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