MONSTER WOMAN: I have
the face of a sixteen-year-old girl.
RUDE MONSTER BOY: Well you'd better give it back then. You're getting it all wrinkled.
FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can
lift a monster with one hand.
SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.
JOHN MONSTER: Mum says
we're having Aunty for Christmas dinner this year.
JANE MONSTER: Well, she can't possibly be tougher than last year's turkey!
What do you get if you
cross a bird with a monstrous snarl?
A budgerigrrrrr!
FRED MONSTER: My sister
must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes.
BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope
after she's posted it.
How did the midget monster
get into the police force?
He lied about his height.
FRED: Your monster was
making a terrible noise last night.
BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.
Mrs Monster has such
an ugly baby she doesn't push the pram - she pulls it.
MONSTER TEACHER: If
I had two people beside me, and you had two people beside you, what would we have?
MONSTER PUPIL: Lunch!
Why is the monsters'
football pitch wet?
Because the players keep dribbling on it.
