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What's big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass? A monster trying to get rid of hiccups.

What's big and ugly and takes aspirins? A monster with a headache.

Why did the monster dye her hair yellow? To see if blondes have more fun.

What's big and ugly and wears sunglasses? A monster on holiday.

What's big and ugly and bounces? A monster on a pogo stick.

What's big and ugly and found at twenty fathoms? A monster with an aqualung.

What's big and ugly with red spots? A monster with measles.

What's big and ugly and has eight wheels? A monster on roller skates.

What's big and ugly and goes at 125 m.p.h.? A monster on an Inter-City train.

MRS MONSTER: Will you love me when I'm old and ugly? MR MONSTER: Darling, of course I do.

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