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There was an old man called Jake
Who had a poisonous snake.
It bit his head
And now he's dead
So that was the end of Jake.
A cobra was invited to dine
By his charmingly cute valentine.
But when he got there
He found that the fare
Was pineapple dumplings with wine.

HOW TO CATCH A BIG MONSTER First, get a telescope, a matchbox, a pair of tweezers, and a very long, boring book.

Then choose a hot day and go to any place where you know big monsters live. Sit down with the telescope, matchbox and tweezers next to you, and start to read the long, boring book. After a while you'll fall asleep, because the book is so dull and the day is so hot.

Soon a big monster is bound to see you and come over to investigate. Looking over your shoulder, he will start to read the long, boring book and he, too, will fall asleep from boredom and the heat.

As soon as he does, you must wake up, pick up the telescope, and look at the big sleeping monster through the wrong end. Then, using your tweezers, pick him up carefully, put him in the matchbox, and to and behold - you have caught a big monster!

1st person: I've just been bitten by a snake on one arm.
2nd person: Which one?
1st person: I don't know, one snake looks very much like the next one.
A boa with coils uneven
Had the greatest trouble in breathing.
With jokes she was afflicted
For her laughs got constricted
And her coils started writhing and wreathing.
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