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Did you hear about the very well-behaved little monster?

When he was good his father would give him a penny and a pat on the head. By the time he was sixteen he had £25 in the bank and his head was totally flat . . .
A man's car broke down on a cold and wind-swept night, near an eerie looking castle in Transylvania. The wizened old butler invited him to stay the night, and showed him to his room. It was dark and dirty, and the man was scared.

'I hope you'll be comfortable,' said the butler. 'But if you need anything during the night, just scream . . .'
There once was a monster called Fred,
Who used to eat garlic in bed;
His mother said, 'Son,
That's not really done,
Why don't you eat people instead?'
'Doctor, doctor, you must help me'

'What's the problem?'

'Every night, I dream there are terrible green and yellow slimy monsters under my bed. What on earth can I do?'

'Saw the legs off your bed.'
This little monster boy came home from school one day, crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter darling?' asked his mother.

'It's all the other children at school,' he sobbed. 'They keep teasing me and saying that I've got a big head.'

'Of course you haven't got a big head,' said Mrs Monster. 'Just ignore them. Now, will you do a little bit of shopping for me? I need a sack of potatoes, ten cartons of orange juice, a dozen loaves of bread, eight cabbages and a cauliflower.'

'All right, Mum,' said the little monster, 'but where's your shopping bag?'

'Oh, that's broken, I'm afraid,' said Mrs Monster, 'but it doesn't matter - just put the things in your cap.'
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