My girlfriend thinks I'm a great wit. Well, she's half right.

Simon: My girlfriend and I fell out last night. She wanted to go and watch ice-skating, but I wanted to go the football match.
Peter: What was the ice-skating like ?

What did the undertaker say to his girlfriend ?
Em-balmy about you.

I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match.

Ben's new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

Every time I take my girlfriend out for a meal she eats her head off. She looks better that way.

Anne: Ugh ! The water in my glass is cloudy .
Dan, trying to impress his new girlfriend: It's all right, it's just the glass that hasn't been washed.

My girlfriend is a beautiful redhead - no hair, just a redhead!