My girlfriend has a slight impediment in her speech. Every so often, she has to stop to breathe.

First cannibal: My girlfriends a tough old bird.
Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an hour.

'What's your new perfume called ?' a young man asked his girlfriend.
'High Heaven,' she replied.
'I asked what it was called, not what it smell to !

James: I call my girlfriend Peach.
John: Because she's beautiful.
James: No, because she's got a heart of stone.

A monster walked into a store selling dress fabrics and said, 'I'd like six yards of pink satin for my girlfriend.'
'It's satin, sir, not Satan,' said the clerk. 'Satan is something that looks like the devil.'
'Oh,' said the monster, ' you know my girlfriend ?'

When Wally Witherspoon proposed to his girlfriend she said, ' I love the simple things in life, Wally, but I don't want one of them for a husband.'

I got a gold watch for my girlfriend.
I wish I could make a trade like that!

'It's a pity you've gone on hunger strike,' said the convict's girlfriend on visiting day. 'Why ?' 'I've put a file in your cake.'

My girlfriend says that if I don't give up golf she'll leave me.
Say, that's tough, old man.
Yeah, I'm going to miss her.

My brother's looking for a girlfriend. Trouble is, he can't find a girl who loves him as much as he loves himself.