A pretty young lady called Splatt
was mistaken one day for a cat
by a man called Van Damm
who made pets into jam -
and now she's spread out rather flat.

There was a young maid from Madras
who had a magnificent ass;
not rounded and pink,
as you probably think -
it was grey, had long ears and ate grass.

A lady from Florence called Nella
had a dog that was such a good smeller
it could sniff out a meal
from as far as Lille,
and if it was nice it would tell her.

There was a young woman named Bright
whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
in a relative way,
and returned on the previous night.

A lady musician called Hamp
was prone to quite severe cramp.
One day at the harp
she stuck in F-sharp
and was freed by acetylene lamp.

A charming young singer named Hannah
got caught in a flood in Savannah;
as she floated away,
her sister they say -
accompanied her on the piannah!

A nervous young called Hughes
never knew quite what to choose.
The harder she'd try
the less she knew why,
or whether, and if so, then whose?

A nervous young woman called Fay
always used to react with dismay
at a match being struck,
or the quack of a duck.
'Hello Fay!' made her faint clean away.

A man by the name of Geneen
was asked by his wife where he'd been.
He ummed and he ahhhhed -
so she hit him, quite hard,
on the head, with a large soup tureen.

A chiropodist - friend's call her Dawn -
used to do people's feet on her lawn;
but the neighbours complained
when a lady, unnamed,
was hit in the eye by a corn.