Did you hear about the witch who turned her friend into an egg?
She kept trying to poach her ideas.

Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other, 'I don't like your friend.'
The other one replied, 'Well put her to one side and just eat the greens.'

Two friends were discussing the latest scandalous revelations about a Hollywood actress. 'They say she likes her latest husband so much she's decided to keep him for another month.' said one to the other.

A girl went to a Halloween party with a sheet over her head. 'Are you here as a ghost?' asked her friends.
'No, I'm an unmade bed.'
Another girl wore a sheet over her head. 'Are you an unmade bed?' asked her friends.
'No, I'm an undercover agent,' she replied.

I enjoy doing my homework, even at weekends, but my best friend's just told me she thinks I'm round the bend.

My friend is so stupid that she thinks twice before saying nothing.

A girl spent the evening with some friends, but when the time came for her to leave, a terrific storm started with thunder, lightening and torrential rain. 'You can't go home in this,' said the hostess, 'You'd better stay the night.'
'That's very kind of you,' replied the girl. 'I'll just pop home and get my pyjamas.

Two beings from outer space landed in Las Vegas and were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. She came out looking rather shocked. 'What's the matter? asked her friend.
'It's a very popular place,' replied the first being, 'it's full of creatures that keep vomiting up little metal disks.

'My best friend, the witch' - by Ann Otherwitch.

My friend is so stupid she thinks that an autograph is a chart showing sales figures for cars.