'What's wrong, Jeanie ?' asked her father.
'I lost my puppy,' sobbed Jeanie.
'Don't cry,' said the concerned father. 'We'll get your dog back. We'll put an ad in the paper.'
'That won't do any good,' wailed Jeanie. 'The dog can't read!'

Annie: May I have a quarter for the crying man outside ?
Mother: What crying man ?
Annie: The one that's crying,' Ice cream! Ice cream!

Mother, I just took a splinter out of my hand with a pin.
A pin, don't you know that's dangerous ?
Oh no, Mother, I used a safety pin!

Father: Where's this morning's newspaper ?
Daughter: I wrapped the garbage in it and threw it out.
Father: But I wanted to see it !
Daughter: There wasn't much to see. Only an apple core, two steak bones and some coffee grounds.

Kitty kept pestering her parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day Kitty came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video.
'Wherever did you get the money to pay for that ?' asked her father suspiciously.
'It's all right, Dad,' replied Kitty, 'I traded the TV in for it.'

What did Dracula call his daughter ?
Bloody Mary.

Karen wanted to be a doctor when she grew up. She bandaged and cared for her dolls and often went on imaginary sick calls to someone in the neighbourhood. One day she ran out on such a call, forgetting to close the door behind her. When her Mother insisted she come back and shut it, Karen did so and raced away. That evening her mother asked, 'How is the patient getting along ?'
'She died,' said Karen. 'Died while I was closing that door!'

Angie was late for school. 'Angie!' roared her mother. 'Have you got your socks on yet?'
'Yes, mom,' replied Angie. 'All except one.'