Miss Simons agreed to be interviewed by Alec for the school magazine. ' How old are you Miss Simons ? asked Alec.
'I'm not going to tell you that.'
'But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher teacher told me how old they were.'
''Oh, well,' said Miss simon. ' I'm the same age as both of them.'
'The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Alec wrote: Miss Simons, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills.

A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a terrific storm started with thunder, lightning and torrential rain.
'You can't go home in this,' said one of his friends, ' you'd better stay the night.'
'That's very kind of you,' said the boy. ' I'll just run home and get my pyjamas.'

Mummy, mummy, what's a werewolf ?
Be quiet, John and comb your face !

Mr Grouch was enraged when young Joe from next door began throwing stones at his greenhouse. ' I'll teach you, you young rogue !' roared the furious neighbour. 'I'll teach you to throw stones at my greenhouse !'
'I wish you would,' said the insolent lad. 'I've had three tries, and I haven't hit it yet !'

The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.
'Alright !' he raged, 'alright ! who did it ? what goldarned carmint painted my horse blue ?'
And the huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie, rose from a chair by the door. ' It were me, shrimp,' he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists. ' What about it ?'
'Oh, well, er' stammered little Pete wretchedly, ' all I wanted to say was ..... when are you going to give it another coat ?'

'The girl beside me in math is very clever,' said Alec to his mother. ' She's got enough brains for two.'
'Perhaps you'd better think of marriage,' said mum.

A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come home.'

John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video.
'Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that ?' asked his father suspiciously.
'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the TV in for it.'

What did the dragon say when he saw St George in his shining armour ?
Oh, no, not more tinned food!