Was the principal's brother really a missionary?
He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity !

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. 'Alec !' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?'
'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do !'

'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander said to his mother. 'The teachers bully me and the boys in my class don't like me.'
'Why ?'
'Firstly, you're 35 years old. Secondly, you're the principal.'

'Now remember boys and girls,' said the science teacher. 'You can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year.'
Alec went home for dinner and found they were having a jelly roll for dessert. 'I'm not eating that, Mum,' he said, 'It's five years old!'

Teacher: Who was that on the phone, Sammy ?
Sammy: No one important, Miss Smith. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already!

A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. 'Howdy,' said the hillbilly. ' This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?

'Oh, all the usual subjects,' said the teacher, nodding at the boy. 'Reading, writing, arithmetic.'
'What's this ?' interrupted the father. 'Arith....arith... what did you say?'
'Arithmetic, Sir,' said the teacher, 'instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry.'
'Trigonometry!' cried the delighted hillbilly. 'That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family.'

The school teacher was furious when Alec knocked him down with his new bicycle in the playground.
'Don't you know how to ride that yet?' he roared.
'Sure!' shouted Alec over his shoulder. 'It's the bell I can't work yet!'

'Hello, Billy. Do you like your new school?' asked Uncle Ned.
'Sometimes,' said the boy.
'When is that?'
'When it's closed!'

First Teacher: What's wrong with young Jimmy today? I saw him running round the playground screaming and pulling at his hair !
Second Teacher: Don't worry. He's just lost his marbles !