What did the termite say when he saw that his friends had completely eaten a chair ?
'Wooden you know it !'

Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?'
'But I only have $8,' his friend replied.
That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!

Did you hear about the wizard who turned his friend into an egg ?
He kept trying to poach his ideas !

How does a skeleton call his friends ?
On a telebone !

When a plane caught fire over the jungle the pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal's pot. The cannibal turned to his friend and said, 'What's this flier doing in my soup?'

My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing!

After ice skating, two friends rushed home for a snack. 'Will you join me in a cup of hot chocolate?' asked the first boy politely.
'Sure,' said his friend, 'but do you think we'll both fit ?'

A monster and a zombie went into the undertaker's. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died,' said the monster.
'Certainly, Sir,' said the undertaker, 'but there was really no need to bring him with you.'

Two aliens from outer space landed in Las Vegas and were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. He came out looking rather shocked.
'What's the matter?' asked his friend.
'It's a very popular place,' replied the first alien. 'It's full of creatures that keep throwing up little metal disks.'

Two monsters were working on building site. When lunchtime came, one of them took out a box of sandwiches. 'Rat paste and tomato,' he moaned, as he bit into the first. 'More rat paste and tomato,' he muttered as he ate the second.
'Rat paste and tomato?' his friend asked as he picked up the third sandwich.
'Yes,' sighed the monster. 'I hate rat paste and tomato.'
'Why don't you ask your wife to make you something different?'
The monster looked at him strangely. 'I don't have a wife - I make my sandwiches myself!'