The Ugly Duckling Jokes |
| Did you hear about the two-headed ogre who got so angry that he was beside himself? |
How does an ogre count to nineteen?
On his fingers! |
Optician: "Have your eyes ever been checked?"
Ogre: "No, they've always been red!" |
What did the dragon swallow that made him breathe fire?
A fire-engine! |
What did the ogre get for his birthday?
Another year older! |
What do you give an ogre with great big feet?
Lots of space. |
What do you say to a three-headed ogre?
Hello, how are you today? Hello, how are you today? Hello, how are you today? |
What is the difference between an ogre and a banana?
Bananas can't peel themselves! |
What sort of pills do you give to a two-headed ogre?
Aspirin, because they are good for splitting headaches! |
What was the Ugly Duckling after it was five days old?
A six-day-old Ugly Duckling! |
What would you call a kind-hearted ogre?
A failure! |
What would you do if you saw a family of ogres coming towards you?
Hope that they were going to a fancy-dress party! |
Where do ogres dance?
At the odd ball! |
Which side of the Ugly Duckling has the most feathers?
The outside! |
Who goes out with an ogre?
His girl-fiend! |
Why did everyone laugh when the ogre sat down to play the grand piano?
Because there wasn 't a stool! |
Why did the clever dragon breathe fire?
Because he was a bright spark! |
Why did the ogre cross the road single-handed?
To get to the second-hand shop! |
Why did the Ugly Duckling stop preening himself?
He felt a little down in the mouth! |
Why did the Ugly Duckling's parents fly south for the winter?
Because it was too far to walk! |
Why do dragons sleep all day?
So that they can fight knights! |
Why do ogres wear flowery embroidered braces?
To hold their trousers up! |
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