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A man went into a pub with a big, vicious looking monster on a lead.

'Sorry, Sir,' said the barman, 'but that creature looks dangerous. You'll have to tie him up outside.'

So the man took the monster outside, and came back and ordered a drink. He was just finishing it when a lady came into the bar and said, 'Whose monster is that outside?'

'Mine,' said the man, beaming with pride.

'Well, I'm sorry,' the lady said, 'but my dog's just killed him.'

'Killed him! What kind of dog do you have?'

'A miniature poodle,' said the lady.

'But how could a miniature poodle kill my great big monster?'

'She got stuck in his throat and choked him . . .'

A policeman stopped a man who was walking along with a monster and ordered him to take it to the zoo at once.

The next day the policeman saw the same man, still with the monster.

'I thought I told you to take that monster to the zoo,' he said.

'I did,' said the man, 'and now I'm taking him to the pictures.'

FIRST GIRL: Yesterday I took my boyfriend to see The Monster From The Swamp at the cinema.

SECOND GIRL: What was he like?

FIRST GIRL: Oh, about ten feet tall, with a horrible, slimy head, and a bolt through his neck.

SECOND GIRL: I don't mean your boyfriend, silly-what was the monster like?

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.'

The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.'

The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared.

With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.'

FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

BERT: No, what happened?

FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . .

BERT: What did you do?

FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.
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